(Taking Up) Space!
Each Fat Fridays Virtual Social Club (presented by NAAFA and hosted by me!) involves a themed discussion and game. The following information came from our April 2023 gathering with the theme of space. We talked everything from our favorite heavenly bodies to our experiences taking up space! What you’ll find in this list is a collaborative effort from our group discussions.
Want to join in on the fun? RSVP for our next event here!
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Taking up Space
Resources
Taking Up Space by Dr. Pattie Thomas (book)
All Go accessibility review app
Accessibility
Look up restaurants, venues, etc beforehand. Use Yelp to look at the seating. (And soon, All Go!)
Advocate for accessible seating in doctor’s office waiting rooms, restaurants, venues, etc.
Phrase your statement like this: “This chair does not accommodate me” (instead of, “I don't fit in this seat.”) State it in a matter of fact way, assuming that they want to help you. And with no apology!
When we let them know we need accommodations, it’s liberating for us and them, because then they’re able to accommodate us. Especially as a business owner, they want their customers to be happy.
If possible, bring your own chair when you know the seating isn’t accessible.
Protecting Our Space While Educating Others
We had a really in depth discussion about navigating the fine line of educating others while protecting ourselves. Some of us struggle with taking up space and having to defend the space we take up. We grapple with how to care and protect our own learning and self, as well as bringing it up with others—especially those who are very close to us. How do we balance protecting ourselves (and possibly stepping away from people who can or won’t come along for the journey) and educating those closest to us who mess up or can only go so far on that journey. This is the feedback others provided:
Set boundaries and directly ask people to respect them.
We have to be faithful to ourselves.
Family can be difficult. We have to tell them, “This is important to me. I understand you don't have this experience yourself, but I’m asking for you to try and understand. See how that would make me feel when I feel this disappointment from you and not being accepted by you.”
Accept the fact that it may never be resolved to our satisfaction.
Foster hope versus expectations. When we have expectations, we usually have a specific outcome in mind. When we have hope, we have an overarching goal in mind, but maybe not specific steps towards that goal. Focusing on hope can be helpful in mitigating disappointment by being open to how the journey unfolds.
Exemplifying education and behavior can be influential to those around us over time just by living our lives, dressing the ways we want to, eating how we want, talking about fat activism online and with others, calling out fatphobia. At the very least, people start catching on that we won’t stand for fatphobic language or diet talk. More often than not, we become a beacon for our communities for fat acceptance and fat liberation.
Live out loud. When we live life the way we want to live it, people are eventually going to notice. They may not want it for themselves and they may not know all the things or do all the things, but they’ll know how to talk and behave around you.
Seek out our allies and ask them for help. Example: Bring someone to a doctor’s appointment.
Foster fat community! It’s really nourishing and healing to have someone, somewhere that shares our experience—especially when we’re navigating difficult relationships in our inner circle. Being in fat community supports us through those experiences.
Space
Dorothy Vaughan, Mary Jackson, Katherine Johnson, and Christine Darden were Black mathematicians and scientists who contributed greatly to NASA’s space exploration in the 50s and 60s. Their story is depicted in the book and film, Hidden Figures.
“The Void” by Muse (The Planets theme song) - about space and defiant optimism
TV show - The Planets
Identifying with aliens as outsiders
The idea of weightlessness and how that would change mobility and just everything. Similar to being in a swimming pool and how the water is supporting us.
The Moon as a symbol - related to taking up space and how it pulls the tides and has such an impact on the Earth.
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