“Chill with Death” w/ Madonna Diaz-Refugia
The Healed AF podcast is an ongoing effort to gather healing stories for visibility and communal knowledge. The concept is to grow a living collection of experiences and strategies, like a grab bag of tools and hope, that will always be here to help anyone, any time they’re looking for it.
Here, you’ll find the transcript of this interview, followed by an easy access list of tools and recommendations mentioned in the episode. You can listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts.
This interview was recorded on March 3, 2021.
Image description: A screenshot of a Zoom call between Madonna and Bree. On the left, Madonna is a Filipinx person with long lavender hair and purple lipstick, smiling with their hand below their chin. On the right, Bree is a fat, White person with short, messy lavender hair, wearing black headphones and an open mouthed smile.
BREE: (laughs) Just starting is, like, a joke. But it’s cool, we got it, we got it. Lemme raise the vibrations.
MADONNA: You got this, you got this. Shake it out!
BREE: (makes weird noises while they shake their arms) (laughs) Okay!
MADONNA: Yessss! Get that Doc Brown energy.
BREE: Here we go, here we go, all right. We could have a rocky start. This ain’t even rocky, this is how we do, right? All right.
Welcome to the first-ever HAF Chat! We are here to gather healing stories for visibility and also communal knowledge. And today we’ve got my very good pal, Madonna! Hi!
MADONNA: Hello! Thank you so much for having me. I’m really happy to be here.
BREE: Yay, thanks for coming. Um, so we’re just gonna get into it and I’m gonna ask you to please introduce yourself.
MADONNA: Hello everyone out there in the universe. My name is Madonna Refugia. My pronouns are she/they. And I’m a writer, I’m an aspiring filmmaker living in Los Angeles. I got my start writing jokes for drag queens in Philly and, um, since then I’ve just been kind of working my way trying to be a TV writer in Hollywood and also, um, working on developing a documentary about my grandfather who was a filmmaker in the Philippines who made the very first Filipino Batman movie. So, I’ve got a lot on my plate, and I’m just, like, I’m just really happy to be here to reflect on everything that’s happened to me thus far and everything that’s gotten me to where I am now.
BREE: Yeah, and you know, I can’t not mention that it was a Batman versus Dracula film and I still think that is so fucking iconic! (laughs) Not only Batman, we got Dracula up in that bitch.
MADONNA: That’s right, that’s right.
BREE: It already looks so cool, I can’t wait to hear more.
MADONNA: Thank you!
BREE: Well, we’re here to talk about healing and as we know, we move through all sorts of healing spaces, stories, throughout our lives. So, we’ll get into where you’re at currently but first I just wanna ask if you’d like to maybe just touch on some of the realms of healing that you’ve moved through in the past.
MADONNA: Well, I think every single chapter of healing that I’ve had to go through began with a piece of art that I really, really gravitated towards or I was making at the time. And I think the very first really, truly traumatic event was when my parents got divorced when I was around 15. And I remember when I knew it was happening and when I realized it was happening—actually my mom, when she broke the news, that same day she took me to see an opera on broadway, like, and I just immersed myself in that. And then after that, when she finally was out of my life, I became really engulfed in musical theater. And musical theater, you ask anyone, is a hell of a drug. (both laugh) Especially when you’re, you know, an undiagnosed bipolar teenage kid. It’s like nothing else, you know, ‘cause you get your emotions out on stage, you’re meeting so many people, you’re getting accolades from people that admire you, and it’s like an easy A, ya know. You get an easy A for participation and I loved it. (laughs) So, I think that was one of my major healing points, at least in my adolescence, was really getting into theater after my parents got divorced. And immersing myself in different roles and different people and different circles of people and obsessing about so many people in those circles. And yeah, that was one. I would say that was the big phase. And then, I guess, that was also when, like, the shades of my addiction really started popping out. And then later in college, getting involved with people I shouldn’t have gotten involved with. And then, what the constant was throughout all this, was theater and was music. I would venture to say that theater and music were my, like, we’ve been in this throuple (both laugh) for the past 33 years, you know. And it’s been great. To this day, you know, I could probably sing all of Le Mis from start to finish, like, out of nowhere, like, you tell me. You say the word, Bree, and I will start it right now! (both laugh)
BREE: Was that your favorite, like, role or show to be in?
MADONNA: Yeah! Actually, it was my first musical I ever saw, was Le Mis. My parents took me to see, uh, it was a touring company with this Asian American woman—I don’t know if she’s Filipino, but I think she is, her name was Rona Figueroa and she played Éponine and it was the first time I saw myself, a person that looked just like me on stage in a role that was awesome. And I dreamed one day that I would play Éponine, and at 17 or 18 I got to play Éponine (Bree says, “Aw!”) in a high school production, and it was, like, ugh, yes, my dream came true. It was just awesome.
BREE: That is so sweet.
MADONNA: Yeah!
BREE: What was your first role?
MADONNA: My first role ever? Gosh… Oh my gosh… Uh… It’s really hard to say because there were always these little, like, one-off concerts or whatever, but I’d say, like, my first real high school play role was Goodie something-or-other in The Crucible.
BREE: Nice.
MADONNA: She was, like, the drunk one. She was one of the ones that was in jail with Tituba. I forget... But she was the cool one! Ya know, she was kooky, and it fit. It fit my personality.
BREE: Mhm. I know we’re still in the middle of, like, your past storyline, but one more musical question. What is it about Le Mis that, like, resonates so strongly with you?
MADONNA: I really just love the highs and lows of drama and emotion in it. It’s just so intense, you know, everything. And it, like, goes from the beginning of one man’s life to the end of it. It’s, like, it’s incredible. And, yes, I feel like I am a Javert in some ways. I don’t know if you’re familiar with the show at all, but Javert is the character that chases after Jean Valjean for decades. And he is sadly a cop, but it’s, like, I am kind of, like, an obsessive person, and I will, like, chase something until, like, I can no longer, you know? (Bree laughs) I always loved “Stars”, that song. And I always thought if I had a lower register and could sing a male part like that, I would want to play him. Unfortunately I couldn’t. But maybe someday. Maybe someday. Maybe if this podcast comes out and reaches the right people then somebody will wanna cast me in the revival.
BREE: Hell yeah. Didn’t you know that’s the whole reason we’re doing this? Is to get you—
MADONNA: (both laugh) Oh my god! Is it happening?
BREE: It’s already done. (Madonna laughs)
So, I think we got up into college. Was there anything else from college ‘til now that you wanna fill us in on?
MADONNA: I think college and up ‘til now was all about healing my relationship with my parents. Because the divorce was so tragic for me, I had to go through, you know, those growing pains of figuring out what I wanted my relationship to be with them. I’m still figuring that out. Actually, my dad hasn’t spoken to me in, like, six months or so, and it’s, like, it’s still a thing. It’s still present in my life. Still figuring out boundaries. So, yeah, I think healing my relationship with them and myself and learning who I am. And especially how I am without the pressure of them around, now that I’m a grown adult with my own needs and wants and desires.
BREE: Is there anything through that learning, like, learning about yourself that surprised you?
MADONNA: I was really surprised that I got back into witchcraft. (both laugh) Because I, I mean, like, I wasn’t really spiritual, but I knew, because I’m in a 12 Step program, that I really needed some form of, some sense of High Power. And, so, I gravitated towards the... you know, we do a lot of inner child work, and I connected with, like, what would the nine, ten-year-old Madonna wanna do? And she would have wanted to be a witch! (both laugh) And, so, that’s what I do now, because it really does feel like I’m healing myself. You know, I didn’t really… Because my parents, are, you know, immigrants, and, you know, they have their own things to worry about, so they weren’t really available as much as I wish they would have been. And, so, I have a lot of healing to do around that. And I think that, I just, I don’t know, yeah. My parents and I are still healing things now and, yeah. I don’t know where I was going with that, but...
BREE: You’re going towards the end of your statement. (Bree laughs)
MADONNA: Yes! I am done. (laughs)
BREE: So, where are you now in terms of your focus in your personal healing today?
MADONNA: Where am I now? Well, I’m working on this film and reconnecting with, you know, these ancestral energies, I guess, of my grandfather who made me—I mean, I would not be who I am today without him, and yet I’ve never met him. And I’m sad that, you know, he died so soon. But, yeah, I think my healing right now is reconnecting and finding that piece of the puzzle for myself. And I think that, yeah, I think I just need to, I think, like, finding his work will make me feel like I have purpose. And, you know, I think that making sure that his work gets notoriety is something that I’m really passionate about. I don’t know, I think it’s all about finding your passion right now and doing what you can to make that happen and make that dream happen. And, you know, of course not hurting anyone in the way, but more so learning from people who might be in your way. Yeah.
BREE: (sighs) Great, now I have a million and ten questions and my brain can’t choose which one I wanna ask. (both laugh) Well, what, can I ask, like, what, um, how did you even find out that your grandfather was a filmmaker and had this film? What got this even started?
MADONNA: Well, it was always known in my family that he was a director, but nobody ever tried to, like, tried to make that happen for me or for anyone else. I think once he died they thought, oh, you know, that industry, that part of our family has died with him. So, I think growing up when I had, you know, been in the arts and been writing and producing things, my mom and my dad would always say, “You know, it’s in your blood because you grandfather did all those movies and wrote and produced.” And I just thought that was so cool.
It didn’t really happen until recently, literally in the past month or so that I realized that I needed to make a documentary about him. I think it was a project that I knew I wanted to make in the future, but once I realized, you know, the people that I needed to interview for the project could be gone in the next few years. I was like, well I gotta get it done now, I gotta get it done yesterday. Jing Abolos, the guy that played Bruce Wayne in Batman Fights Dracula, died in 2019, so I’m unable to talk to him. So, I gotta go, I gotta get out of here, (Bree laughs) COVID has to end now so I can go to the Philippines. But yeah, I think that it’s gonna be a really cool project. I’m really nervous about what is gonna happen, what we’re gonna find and not find. Yeah. Yeah. What other questions ya got?
BREE: We’ve talked before about this being more than just a creative project and being kind of, like, a spiritual project too. And I’m wondering, especially on the tip of witchcraft, if you have or have plans to, like, incorporate your spiritual practice into the documentary?
MADONNA: Yeah, I do. I just had my friend do my Akashic Records for the movie, and I won’t go into what happened, but they basically, we just opened up the records to see if I am my grandfather incarnate. And it was incredible. It was really incredible. I do intend on, like, connecting with people who are spiritual and I wanna connect with more clairvoyants and mediums and whatever I can do to get in touch with him, you know. That’s really it. I will do whatever it takes. If I gotta whip out a ouija board then let’s go! (Bree laughs)
BREE: Hey, you know you can make a ouija board, you could do it tonight if you wanted.
MADONNA: That’s right, let’s do it.
BREE: Just in case anyone listening doesn’t know, could you briefly explain what the Akashic Records are?
MADONNA: So, that’s a good question, I don’t really know. (both laugh)
BREE: Are you able to gather anything from the reading, like, kind of what—
MADONNA: Well, I will say that we were able to look at the energies of my ancestors and people who have passed, and my past lives, and there was also an element of tarot in there. Yeah, it was a lot of examining past and ancestral stuff.
BREE: Yeah, from my very basic understanding, I think the Akashic Records are supposed to be, like, literally the records of all time past, present, and future, and the person who’s reading it is, like, in your instance, looking through the past to gain access to information and perspective. That’s what I think it is, but you know, don’t hold us to it. (Bree laughs)
MADONNA: Yeah, sound off in the comments and let us know what it really is! (both laugh)
BREE: I can’t wait to be told I’m wrong, it’s totally my favorite thing in the world. (Madonna laughs) Clearly not my expertise but, you know, we’re learning.
Is there anything you’ve learned so far about your grandfather that has really excited you?
MADONNA: Mmm… You know, the one thing I really love about him is that he died doing what he loved the most. He died in a movie theater, and he was watching movies when he had a heart attack. (Bree says, “Aww..”) To me that just says—sorry, I’m getting worked up right now just thinking about it.
BREE: That’s okay.
MADONNA: Just, you know, this man with pure passion, and it came out in his work, and it’s now coming out in me. And that is incredible. That to me is, like, other worldly shit right there. That is why I’m talking to mediums, (both laugh) that is why I’m talking to someone to open my Akashic Records because this does not feel like your average day, you know, run of the mill shit, this is incredible. This is a story I’m so excited to tell.
BREE: Mmmm… I got a little teary eyed too. I think that, honestly, like, it’s not like you need any more validation that he’s with you, but, like, I think even just this moment, like, having an emotional response to, like, a death you weren’t even present for, like, to me speaks volumes about your connection to the person we’re talking about. And I think that’s really powerful.
And actually, it kinda leads me to another question I had, sort of about, like, our relationship to, like, death and grief. And I’m wondering if, like, what that experience is like for you as, like you said, you never met him, and yet we still have feelings about them and wishing probably they were here and stuff like that. Has there been a type of grieving or mourning process through this?
MADONNA: I think that this is mourning. The whole process is gonna be a mourning process for me, because there was so much work he made that could be gone. His stamp on the world could be gone. And I think that’s one, like, my main job I think with this movie, is to make sure that doesn’t happen. But also, it really is a healing process for me and it is allowing me to grieve this man that I never met but who still resides in me in a way. Yeah. I think that, you know, it all goes back to when I said earlier, when I, you know, immerse myself in art when I’m sad or when something really traumatic happens. And it’s the same with this. You know, I am grieving and I am immersing myself in this artistic project, this creative project, and I am healing myself through it. So, yeah, this is all grieving and I’m really happy to show the world that you can grieve and be happy at the same time. You can celebrate a person’s life.
BREE: Yeah, for sure.
How about, like, has any of this yet, like, kind of shifted or informed your perspective of death and mortality at all?
MADONNA: Yeah, totally. I really feel like, you know, it’s interesting, an old friend of mine, I told him that I did not want to have children, and he said, you know, “Well, what’s your legacy gonna be?” And I said, my work! My work’s gonna be my legacy. You know, the people that I impact, the lives that I change. That’s my fucking legacy. And, yeah, I don’t know if that answers the question, but I think that I’m more at peace with dying these days because I know I have touched a lot of people's lives thus far just by being my truest self, you know. And so, I really, like, am chill with death, I guess you could say. (both laugh)
BREE: That might be the title. (both laugh)
MADONNA: Yeah, I’m really showing my millennial stripes tonight. Yeah, let’s see. What else? What else ya got?
BREE: Well, I guess, before I go on to the next, like, pre-written question. Is there anything else we haven’t touched on about the film or your grandfather or any part of this process that is just, like, ringing loudly for you and that you’d like to, like, speak on?
MADONNA: Hmmm... I mean, no, I think that right now I’m still in the beginning parts of the journey, you know. I can’t really leave where I am right now because of COVID, so I am kind of in research mode now and the journey hasn’t really started, but it’s gonna be big and I have to prepare myself for it. I gotta rest up. Things could get crazy, you know, with the vaccines just being approved, like, last night. Who knows how quickly this project will need to take off? So I am really, really taking time to heal from every time, you know, this is very emotional, deeply intense shit that I’m moving through. So, I really need to take breaks from it. I need to go on hikes, I need to watch really bad reality TV for 24 hours straight. And I need to just, like, be in the bathtub, you know. I think that’s where I am right now. I know it’s gonna be a journey and it’s gonna be an uphill battle, and I know that I’m gonna, you know, come across people who might not want me to find the movie, who might not want me to uncover all of his work. So, I just have to buck up and prepare myself. So, that’s where I am with this.
You know, getting my team together too. Getting my crew of people who are gonna come along on that journey. That’s a big part of it right now too, is finding those people who I feel comfortable being vulnerable in front of. They’re gonna be filming me, maybe 24/7. I have to be… As you know, I’m a cancer so I have this really hard shell and I will not open up, you know. The only reason I’m able to do this podcast with you right now is because I love you (Bree laughs) and I’m able to open up in front of you.
BREE: Aw, I love you!
MADONNA: That’s where I’m at right now, is building my crew and my army and my people, my tribe. So, yeah.
BREE: I love the reminder of just these, like, it seems very basic, like, have support, take baths. But, like, especially when we get caught up in, like, really exciting times, like, a lot of times we think when shit’s really bad is when we need to, like, hardcore self-care it up. But, like, there can be a lot of movement going on and it can be good, but still, like, what goes up must come down, and that includes our energy. And whether it’s quote unquote good or bad, like, making sure we balance that energy between support and solitary self-care I think is, like, such an important reminder. And also, even when there’s not movement, like, I find for me, that’s the hardest time to maintain daily self-care, is when I’m smooth sailing. Like, what do I need it for? I need it for maintenance. (Bree laughs)
MADONNA: Mhm.
BREE: And I know you just touched on a couple of those self-care items you like to do, but I’ma be picking your brain for more! Because the next question is, whether in the past or currently, and we can break this up if you wanna touch on the past and then touch on currently, but, like, what are specific strategies or resources that help you in your healing or your self-care or what have you?
MADONNA: My biggest one is my 12 Step program. It’s how I’ve met so many of my best friends now and, honestly, co-workers and co-collaborators, because I feel the safest with them. I feel like I’m closest to my Higher Power when I’m around them. So, I just feel like things are right and I feel like I‘m always on the right path when I’m surrounded by those people. So, that is a huge part of it.
And I think, you know, I don’t do this a lot, I’m honestly just saying this because I need to do it more, which is counting my blessings everyday. You know, making that gratitude list at the end of the day or the beginning of the day, just to do a reset in my head and say, oh, okay, no, you’re fine, you’re fine, everything’s cool, you don’t need to freak out, ‘cause you’ve got this, this and this and this and this happening for you. So, I gotta do that more.
Let’s see… I honestly, I really like my crystals. (laughs)
BREE: Do you have a favorite?
MADONNA: Um, let’s see, I actually went, I took a bath with a bunch of them today. I love my smoky quartz. Smoky quartz has been there for me for a long time. It’s probably my first crystal I bought when I moved to LA actually, and it has been super grounding for me, healing. Yeah, definitely recommend that smoky quartz. Moldavite is now a huge thing on TikTok and I’m hearing that’s a big thing.
BREE: Is that a stone?
MADONNA: It is, it is. I hear that is quite the groundbreaking crystal, definitely read up on it.
Yeah, let’s see… I mean, I love to drive too. I get my best ideas when I’m driving hours. I don’t know what it is, maybe it’s just, like, the fact that I’m using my body kind of, but I’m also, like, using my brain. I’m constantly activating parts of my body and brain at the same time, so maybe that, like, helps with generating ideas, who knows. But yeah, I love to drive. I would love to someday get my own, like, bike. I wanna be, like, I wanna have a motorcycle.
BREE: Yes!
MADONNA: Or at least a Vespa. You know, I gotta be cute. Put my dog in a basket and just, like, ride around Griffith Park. Ugh, that’d be really fun.
BREE: I would kill to be part of your Vespa gang. (both laugh)
I actually love that idea of taking a bath with crystals. I don’t know that I’ve heard that or thought of that and I think that’s a fun way to use them. ‘Cause the way I think of them is to just kind of carry them around or, like, I rub them when I’m anxious and stuff like that. Are there, like, other ways that you use crystals that are helpful?
MADONNA: Well, just a tip. If you have a selenite—don’t put the selenite in the bath ‘cause it will disintegrate. Just an FYI. Any other way that I use crystals… My friend Michelle just told me to, like, just put them in my bra or put them in my pocket. I love just, like, putting them in parts of the house, like corners of the house. They’re just really nice to set intentions with. Oh, I love meditating with them. I lie down and I put a crystal on I guess my chakras or whatever. I just put them up and down my chest and my forehead and my face and my chin and I just, like, lie there and just, like, feel… I imagine the energy of them just, like, infusing into my body and it’s really nice and relaxing. Really relaxing.
BREE: Do you do your own kind of, like, self meditations or do you have any guided meditations you’d recommend?
MADONNA: I don’t really do guided. I just like to put on... I might put on, like, maybe white noise. Or, like, you know what I love, I love—what are they called? I can’t… They’re like... damn it. Like, I can’t think of them. Damn it! They’re like, bowls, that, like, you... they’re little singing bowls. Do you know what I’m talking about?
BREE: I know what you’re talking about and now I’m annoyed that I’m not gonna remember what they’re called either. (laughs)
MADONNA: Sound off in the comments—what are they? (both laugh)
BREE: I like singing bowls! Singing bowls is good.
MADONNA: Singing bowls! (both laugh)
BREE: Everybody knows what we’re talking about. Yeah, those are really good. I get those in group meditations sometimes and I’m always, like, trying to remember to go back to that outside of the group meditation, and then I never remember until I’m in the group meditation and it happens.
I’m wondering if you have any feedback around, like, the stigma and, like, taboo around 12 Step. What do you say about that when people are like… This is an audio medium, I’m, like, making that shady little eye look. (both laugh) What’s your feedback around the stigma and taboo of 12 Step?
MADONNA: I just think that there’s a lot of, I don't know. The people that don’t really jive with it are usually people who’ve had a lot of trauma around religion, and I get that. I mean, I just want to say, like, look, I’m a witch, you can literally support whatever kind of Higher Power you want. And I know it feels culty, but, like, trust me, like, it’s not. You don’t throw hundreds of thousands of dollars into this. It’s literally free, and it's a free fellowship where you make great friends for life and, you know, you change your life for the better. You know, it works for some people and it doesn't work for some people, and that’s okay. But I think I needed it. I really needed it. And if you get to a point where you feel like you can’t go on and there’s nowhere else—there’s always gonna be 12 Step. You can always find someone that knows what you’re going through and can help you go through that. It literally saved my life. I don’t think I would be here talking to you without it.
BREE: Yeah, I mean, I second all of that and just to throw out one of the culty phrases (laughs) ‘cause I think a lot of the language makes people feel like it’s culty, but I’m like, what community doesn’t have their own language? But anyway, I was just gonna say, one of my favorite parts of 12 Step is, “Take what you like and leave the rest.” And that’s something that I think a lot of people who aren’t familiar with it don't realize, like, there’s not, like, hard concrete, like, anything. They literally say amongst—“they”—(laughs) we say amongst ourselves, “Take what you like and leave the rest.” If you don’t like some of it, move on to the next. I, too, was one who had no spirituality before and it took me years before I found my own spirituality and I still was able to find recovery without identifying in a way that other people were identifying HP and stuff like that, so, word, cool.
So, I’m trying to, you know, one of my favorite things is community. And I'm even trying to kind of create community within these stories eventually. And I think you know eventually we'll have, like, a panel with a few people who were interviewed. But to kind of connect each interviewee between interviews, I’m going to ask you as the first one—what would you like to ask the next person who gets interviewed?
MADONNA: If you were a restaurant, what restaurant would you be and why?
BREE: Okay, and now because you’re the first one, so we don’t have a guest zero to have asked you a special question, you have to answer your question.
MADONNA: Hamburger Mary’s, hands down. (Bree laughs) I love burgers, I love fries, I love big drinks, I love big drag queens, that’s me in a nutshell, guys. (Bree laughs) And you know, why not? Getting handed dollar bills, that’s fun too. So yes, I think I would be Hamburger Mary’s. And what’s really sad is that... I haven’t been! (Bree laughs)
BREE: Like, ever? Or just in a while?
MADONNA: Like, ever! Like, I had plans!
BREE: Oh my god!
MADONNA: I had full plans to do it for my birthday this past year but, of course, COVID hit, so.
BREE: Fuck!
MADONNA: Maybe in the next few months, you know.
BREE: You threw my follow-up, which was gonna be, what was the last time you went? You probably drove by, is the last time you went.
MADONNA: Yeah.
BREE: Hamburger Mary’s is great. It’s a great place for your birthday. And also, just for anyone who's never been to a drag show before, you’re rude as fuck if you show up without dollar bills. Like, you absolutely must tip drag performers. So, anytime you’re going to a show, I don’t give a fuck that you have to buy a meal too, you better be tipping the queens. Every single fucking queen. And yes, they’re gonna perform multiple times and you’re gonna tip them each time. It is part of the game and if you’re gonna come and receive joy from them, you gotta pay it back.
MADONNA: Amen!
BREE: It drives me wild when people show up without the tip money, man! Word.
Well, you know, I planned all this up until this point. I forgot to plan some sort of transition out. (Both laugh) But anybody who’s been to, like, any of my events or, like, anything knows that, like, we just kinda do it until it’s done. We do the things and we roll through it and then we roll through to the end. And I guess… Oh! Here’s a thing that the professionals do! Madonna, is there anything you’d like to promote or let us know where to find you?
MADONNA: Yes! Please follow me on Instagram @notthatmadonna. Or Twitter @notthatmad0nna with a zero as the O in Madonna. Or you can check out my website at www.notthatmadonna.com. We got the branding down, baby!
BREE: Hell yeah, consistency is where it’s at. All right dude, what a pleasure. Thank you so much.
I meant to say this at the beginning but whatever, here we are. But like, the reason why I wanted you as my first guest is because you were totally instrumental, and still are, in, like, helping me through my own, like, navigating whatever I’m trying to navigate, you know, and with Healed As Fuck, like, before I even had the name, I was talking to you about wanting to do some shit, and you gave me some really good suggestions on how to get started, and those are suggestions I’ve made to other people who are in the same place. So, you are correct in that you’ve helped people and you continue to help people without even knowing it. (Madonna says, “Aww…”) And so, that’s why I wanted you here because I super value you and I can’t wait for everybody out there to fuckin’ eat you up, bitch! (laughs)
MADONNA: Eat me up! I’m a cake! (both laugh)
BREE: All right, I guess we’re gonna say bye.
MADONNA: (laughing) All right, bye!
BREE: (laughing) Bye!
HAF Pod Grab Bag of Tools
Listed in alphabetical order
Akashic Records readings
Crystals
Set intentions with crystals
Madonna’s fave is smoky quartz
Also recommended Moldavite
Use them to soothe anxiety by rubbing with your fingers
Carry in your pocket or bra
Take a bath with crystals (but not with selenite! It’ll disintegrate.)
Put them in parts of your home
Meditate with them, placing them on parts of your body
Madonna lays down and puts them up and down their chest, chin, face, and forehead)
Drag shows
Always bring cash to tip the performers! Drag tip etiquette is to tip every performer during each song they perform throughout the show.
Driving for self-care
Madonna explains, “I’m constantly activating parts of my body and brain at the same time, so maybe that, like, helps with generating ideas.”
Gratitude lists at the beginning or end of the day (or whenever!)
Healing through musical theater
Madonna’s favorite is Le Mis!
Immerse yourself in art when sad or moving through trauma; exert the energy into a creative project
Inner child work
Meditation with sounds of singing bowls
When doing deeply intense work, be sure to take breaks from it!
Madonna likes to go on hikes and binge bad reality TV.
12 Step programs
It’s free, there’s a program for everyone, make lifelong friends, find a safe space, and have the freedom to better your life in your own way. Even if you don’t jive with religion or spirituality, there are secular meetings too!