How to NOT Be an Ass Hole About Pronouns
Rather watch than read? Check out the video: How to NOT Be an Ass Hole About Pronouns
What I share in this post is based on my own experience as a person who is non-binary, as a person who uses pronouns beyond the binary and has to communicate those pronouns on a daily basis, and also (almost on a daily basis) navigates other people being ass holes about pronouns.
ASKING FOLX THEIR PRONOUNS
The first thing that you can do to make sure that you're not being an ass hole about pronouns is to just fucking ask! If you are not 100-million-billion-and-10-percent sure about what somebody's pronouns are, just ask. It’s really as simple as that.
Here, I’ll even feed you the script. This is what you can say when you’re not sure what somebody’s pronouns are:
“Hey, what are your pronouns?”
Or, you could say, “My pronouns are [insert your pronouns], what are yours?”
Asking people what their pronouns are mitigates the risk of you being an ass hole moments later when you use the wrong pronouns.
WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU FUCK UP SOMEONE’S PRONOUNS
When you do use the wrong pronouns, don't shit your pants! All you have to do when you fuck up is apologize, correct yourself, and then move on. Very often, when somebody uses the wrong pronouns for me, they lose their fucking mind about it. They’ll ruminate about it, and then shame spiral, and then it's about them, and then I have to comfort them or figure out how to not comfort them while also being present to the circumstance. It can be a whole fucking thing—and it does NOT have to be a whole fucking thing!
And guess what—you're not the only person who fucks up pronouns sometimes! I'm a non-binary person who uses they/them pronouns, and even in non-binary specific spaces, I have fucked up on pronouns. For instance, if somebody's pronouns are they/them and I accidentally say “he,” I'll catch myself as soon as I say it and I say, “Oh, I'm sorry, I mean ‘they.’” Or I'll even just repeat the sentence. So, if I say, “Oh, it's his birthday today—I mean it's their birthday today. My bad.” That's as simple as has to be, and then I move on with the conversation.
So, don't fucking ruminate. Don't cause a scene. Just catch yourself, correct yourself, apologize, and move on.
how to communicate pronouns (FOR EVERYONE!)
Pronouns are for fucking everybody! Like, it's not just trans, non-binary, gender non-conforming, and other people on the gender spectrum who should be the only fucking people communicating their pronouns. Everybody in the whole world should be communicating pronouns. It's as easy as saying, “Hey, I'm Bree, my pronouns are they/them,” just like I do at the start of all my videos.
Here are some other places that you can include your pronouns:
Every time you introduce yourself
In your bio for events, articles, etc.
On your social media profiles
In your email signatures
COMMUNICATING PRONOUNS FOR INCLUSIVITY & ACCOUNTABILITY
Communicate your pronouns everywhere you can verbally and non-verbally. What this does is it creates a space where everybody feels comfortable and safe to communicate their pronouns. What it also does is helps keep you accountable as an ally. The more you communicate your pronouns, you’re reconditioning yourself to be super aware and mindful of pronouns, because you are now participating in that communication as well.
I find that requesting the communication of pronouns is really effective in group settings. I've tried this in a couple of different communities of mine where I was being misgendered frequently. Implementing the regular communication of pronouns totally decreased the amount of times other people use the wrong pronouns with me, and it's made people a lot more mindful about other people's pronouns as well. It's as simple as that.
IF A TODDLER CAN DO IT…
Y'all, it’s really not that fucking hard. In fact, my best friend's kid is three years old and he knows how to use they/them pronouns with me. So, if a fucking three-year-old can do it, you can fucking do it, too.
WANT SUPPORT FROM A NON-BINARY QUEERDO?
If you're looking to work one-on-one with someone who is queer and non-binary and genderfluid, check out my sliding scale peer counseling, consultation, and Uno card tarot reading services. Whatever you choose, I look forward to connecting with you! :)